


The Fear That Lies Within

by AlexandriaArlene



Series: Dancing with Demons [2]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Darkness, Demons, F/M, Fear, Hurt, M/M, Nightmare, Pain, Support
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexandriaArlene/pseuds/AlexandriaArlene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His cold eyes stared right into hers and feeling nothing but that coldness. The coldness of the way he made her feel like nothing was ever going to be okay again like he was going to kill her and it wouldn’t matter.</p>
<p>“You’re supposed to be dead.” She yelled. She felt as her pulse began to rise like nothing could stop it. She couldn’t stop all the fear that was rushing through her veins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fear That Lies Within

Clary was in the dark alone until she wasn’t he stood there in front of her. And he had seemed to be watching her. His eyes were cold and dark with nothing filled in them. They were as dark as they were that day and nothing was going to change that. Nothing could. He would always be one of the most twisted men she had ever met. 

Sometimes she thought about being his daughter and what that made her. If she was like him. If some of who he was is in her blood. If her blood is tainted because he is her father and there wasn’t much that she could even do about that fact. She always felt like there was a part of her that was evil because of him. He changed both of his kid’s blood. Kids that he should have just loved without any conditions and now he was standing in front of Clary with the coldest eyes. 

“You’re supposed to be.” Clary broke off. She couldn’t understand how he was supposed to be dead and Lilith couldn’t have brought him back to because then the balance wouldn’t be balanced that’s how she did it with Sebastian.

“Dead.” Valentine replied as he moved closer to her with saying the word. The word scared her because he was supposed to be dead but he wasn’t. He was standing there right in front of her and she was at a loss for words.

“What are you doing here?” She said. She had a sword behind her but she was only going to use it if she really needed to and it depended how far Valentine was willing to go this time. She didn’t want to believe that he was still alive because if he was nothing would turn out nothing would go right for anyone.

“I want revenge. You ruined everything. You ruined my marriage. You ruined my plan to rule the shadow hunters. You ruined everything.” Valentine yelled causing her to flinch in the darkness as she was standing right outside of Pandemonium.

“I didn’t do anything. I was born and I wasn’t going to let destroy the shadow hunters with your experiments. Your experiments that hurt so many people. As for your relationship with my mom everything that happened was your fault.” Clary yelled. She was terrified but she wasn’t going to let him know that.

“You did this to me.” Valentine yelled as he took out his sword and was about to dive the knife into her abdomen. It felt like that night when Jace showed up except that Jace wasn’t there. He was just not there and that’s when Clary felt her stomach turn into knots. That was worse than Valentine being there. That was worse than the sword that was near her body. 

 

Jace watched as Clary was sleeping and he notice that she begun to roll over and he could see the tears falling down her face as she rolled away from him. He noticed that she was having a nightmare. He gently brought his hand down to her cheek to wipe the tears away from her eyes. He gently brought her upwards and her eyes flashed open filled with fear. Jace brought her into his lap and she buried her head in his neck. She just felt so scared.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jace asked. Clary didn’t want to tell him that he wasn’t there so she didn’t say anything but Jace knew her well enough to know that it was the recurring dream that she had a lot but not in a long time. “It was Valentine wasn’t it.” Jace said realizing that it was about him. She had those nightmares a whole of a lot more then Sebastian. Jace always believed that was because Clary believed that Valentine created who Sebastian was when he used the demon blood on him. 

“You weren’t there.” Clary whispered. When she has fought demons she’s never needed Jace to be there. She could always do it on her own but having a dream about Valentine. The one man that she feared more then everything else. Jace pulled away from her for a moment to look in her green eyes. He cupped her face as his thumbs wiped away the tears that were flowing down her face.

“Valentine is dead. He can’t get to us and even if he was I will always be here. I will always fight to protect you but even though I’m willing to do all that for you Clary, you don’t need me too. I’m here because you want me and I want you. I’m also here because I’m in love with you so it has nothing to do with you needing me to protect you. I fight to protect you because I love you.” He said.

“I know. I just. I don’t know. Valentine is my father and I wasn’t strong enough then.” Clary replied. Jace knew that wasn’t true. Clary was the strongest person that he knew that was part of the reason that he fell in love with her. It was part of the reason that he fell for her in the beginning.

“You’re the strongest person I know.” Jace replied. He pulled her into a kiss. A kiss that Clary let herself get lost in. Something that Jace felt like she needed. She just needed to know that he was right there and he held her in his arms so close and they said absolutely nothing just knowing that he was there made everything better.

“Do you want a fearless rune?” Jace asked but Clary didn’t want any more runes at the moment. She just wanted to stay in his arms. She didn’t want to be afraid she just wanted to be with him. She just wanted to relax and not worry about anything else but that wasn’t going to be as easy as she wished that it was. Jace didn’t know what exactly she was thinking but he did know that no matter what that they were going to get through whatever she was going through at the moment.

“No. I think I’m okay now.” Clary replied sitting in his lap. He brought her closer and they kissed. Clary knew that they both needed to shower soon because there was some stuff that they both needed to handle. 

“We need to shower.” She whispered.

“Yes we do.” Jace replied continuing to kiss her as he moved her onto her back as he hovered over her. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Clary replied. She wouldn’t care if they did but it would be a longer shower then she expected to take if he went in there with her. She wanted to but she didn’t know if it was a good idea. It wasn’t long before Clary heard her cell phone ringing. 

“Hello.” She said.

“Hey Clary do you think that I could come over and talk to you?” Izzy asked. Izzy sounded scared and like something was going on. It didn’t sound good. Clary knew that Simon was gone fighting a demon so she wasn’t going to turn Izzy away. 

“Yeah that’s fine.” Clary replied looking over at Jace. She wished that she could just stay in his arms but she couldn’t not with knowing that Izzy was this upset it just couldn’t happen. “Well I’m on my way.” She replied. Clary hung up the phone. Clary stood up from the bed and moved to the dresser that had been in their room.

“Where’d you go?” Jace asked still sitting on the bed. He knew that something was going on but he didn’t know what was going on. 

“Izzy’s coming over now and besides you realize that you’re supposed to be meeting up with Alec at the institute. So shower and get out of here.” Clary replied. He groaned as he stood up and put on the sweat pants he had on the floor so he could make his way to the bathroom. 

***

Izzy watched his body so lifeless on the ground as she stared at him laying on the ground with not even a breath left in his body. His eyes then opened and apart of her felt relieved because that meant that he was still alive. That his heart was still beating.

“Isabelle.” Max said coldly.

“Max you’re alive.” Izzy replied looking at him but the blood was still on his body then she realized each and every time that she looked at the blood that all she had to do was believe him but she didn’t. She told him that he was just being childish but he wasn’t. He wasn’t. That was all that went through her head for so long and there was nothing that she could do to ever to make it better. It was just supposed to be like that.

“No.” Max said.

“I don’t understand. How is this happening then?” Isabelle replied. Max stood up and moved towards her limping and looking broken. It didn’t look like her brother anymore. It looked like a completely different person.

“You did this to me. You didn’t believe me. If you had I’d still be alive.” Max yelled as he came closer to her but it wasn’t her fault. It couldn’t be her fault. She didn’t even believe that what he said was happening could ever happen. Then again she never imagined that there could be a half demon and half shadow hunter.

“No Sebastian killed you.” Izzy said. She wasn’t going to believe that she couldn’t ever cause one of her siblings death she’d never be able to survive it. 

“Yeah but you might as well of handed him the weapon to do it.” Max replied. She fell to the ground crying and felt as she woke up. It was weird because she didn’t feel like it was just a dream. She looked to the other side of the bed and realized that Simon was still gone on the demon hunt. Izzy decided that she was just going to talk to Clary because she needed to talk to someone.

When she got over to Clary and Jace’s she knocked on the door Clary came to the door. Izzy came in but she didn’t know what to say first. She was so lost. Could Max be right? Was it her fault that he was dead? She didn’t know anymore. She felt like she was reliving that night all over.

“Simon’s away and I can’t talk to Jace and Alec about this. They wouldn’t understand.” Izzy said. She didn’t know that Jace was still here.

“Well Jace is in the shower but he’s leaving soon to meet up with Alec.” Clary replied. Clary hadn’t showered yet but she was going to as soon as she was done talking to Izzy. It just kind of seemed like everything was all over the place. It didn’t seem like everything was okay. Clary had thoughts of Valentine a lot and she was always thinking about Max. 

“Well last night I had a nightmare about Max. He was covered in blood but he was alive and he was telling me that it was my fault that he was dead. That if I would have just believed him that he would still be alive today.” Izzy said. Clary knew that wasn’t true. Sebastian just would have just killed them all. Sebastian had been her brother. She just felt like her entire bloodstream was tainted that even though she had Jocelyn’s blood she felt like Valentine had tainted it. 

“It’s not your fault if you would have believed him we would have went to both of your guy’s funerals. Not just his and I also know that Sebastian would have killed us all if he could and you fought him.” Clary replied. Then Jace walked out of the bathroom into the living room noticing that Izzy stopped talking but wasn’t going to ask about it. He knew that it wasn’t about Clary and that Clary would tell him later. He walked over to Clary and pecked her lips. He wouldn’t mind making out with her but he knew that Izzy would make to much of a deal about it and normally that wouldn’t matter but it did. 

“I’ll see you later.” Jace said and Clary nodded. She watched as Jace walked out the door and she remembered when she thought he was her brother all that pain it caused her every time she had to watch him walk away. It left her heart with an ache in her body like nothing would ever be okay. It left her with a feeling that everything wasn’t okay. When he said that he just wanted to be her brother and nothing more it broke her heart even more than anything else. Now she felt happy that they are together and there’s nothing that can change that.

“I know but I can’t help but feel like this. I feel like it’s my fault. Like I could have done more to protect him.” Izzy replied but Clary knew that wasn’t true. Everyone thought that Jace was Valentine’s fault. There are only two people that Izzy should be blaming. Clary felt the guilt because Valentine was her father and Sebastian her brother but a lot of the time she tried to push those ideas away. Those ideas that it’s her fault.

“No matter what just remember Max loved you.” Clary said unsure what to say anymore. Izzy hugged Clary and help make the pain not seem so real but in all reality the person that she needed was Simon. That’s who she needed to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. 

“Okay.” Izzy replied.

“Are you okay when I bring up this stuff I worry that you’ll get upset?” Izzy said. Clary wanted to say that she was perfectly fine but she wasn’t she was feeling like crap lately because of Sebastian and Valentine.

“You didn’t upset me I was already upset.” Clary replied. 

“Why what happened?” Izzy said. Izzy was there for Clary like Clary was there for her. They didn’t mind listening each other most of the time.

“I had a nightmare about Valentine being alive. It’s been a really long time since I’ve had this nightmare. I told Jace I was okay but I don’t know if I am. I just know Valentine is a hard topic for him because of everything Valentine did to Jace. I wish I could say that sometimes I forget but I don’t. I’m not sure that I’m ever going to be okay with knowing who my father is. There are days I wished that I didn’t know who he is.” Clary said to Izzy. Izzy knew that everything was tough for the both of them and also knew where she was coming from neither one of them really had that great of a past. 

Izzy’s was covered in Max’s murder. Clary’s was covered with all the family mass murdering. Her father and he brother had committed so much murder and there wasn’t a way to escape that.

“Valentine may be you’re father but Luke as far as anyone else is concerned he is your dad. Valentine only donated his sperm your nothing like him.” Izzy told her but it didn’t feel that way. Sometimes she wondered if she was more like her father then she was willing to admit. She wondered it at times but never brought it up. How was she supposed to bring it up to Jace or Izzy? Jace would understand but she didn’t. They both did horrible things and she never could get away from it. She was never going to be able to escape this mess that used to be her life. She didn’t know what to do anymore. 

“Yes but was Valentine just evil or what made him that way to do everything he did to Jace, Sebastian, my mom, and me. Sebastian was just created evil he didn’t just change. He was always that way because Valentine put demon blood in him. I just don’t know what to think of it anymore.” Clary replied.

“Valentine became evil we know that and what he did to every one doesn’t make that better. Valentine is to blame for those two years of heart ache. He isn’t responsible for all the love and all that you and Jace would go through just to be in each other’s arms. That doesn’t change. Valentine was supposed to be dead but this time he’s going to stay dead.” Izzy replied. Clary threw her arms around Izzy knowing that’s what she needed. Izzy had talked her out of her head and reminded her of everything that she already knew. 

“Thank you. You’ve always been here to talk to when Jace doesn’t know what to do because as much as I love him I don’t know how I would bring up the topic of Valentine.” Clary replied. Clary pulled away from her and knew the comments about her clothes were going to be coming soon. 

***

Alec stood there and Magnus was calling out to him. All he wanted was help but Alec was stuck there. His body frozen and he couldn’t make it to Magnus. He sat there as he watch him grow older and older. As his body seemed to giving out and his eyes shut. They closed and that’s when Alec knew that Magnus was giving up?

“No.” He shouted but it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough and that would forever be in his head. Nothing could change it ever. Nothing would ever be able to change it because Magnus was the one who gave up. 

Alec sat at the café waiting for Jace remembering the dream. The dream that he wasn’t ever going to forget. The dream that would be forever with him standing in the back of his head always wondering if that could happen if Magnus would give up on them on day. Alec couldn’t help but think that Jace is always late never on time for anything. 

He was always running late now days but now he knew it was because he was finally happy truly happy with Clary and as much as he didn’t like it at first he was happy that they found each other. That they were able to be together now that Valentine and Sebastian are out of the picture. Jace walked through the door of the café not even really caring that he was late he never did. 

Jace was the first guy to come into Alec’s life outside of his family and that had been a part of the reason that Alec thought he fell in love with Jace. That and he thought it would protect him. That it would protect him when it came to everything.

“Hey.” Jace said as he sat down. He was worried about Clary after this morning and not sure what to think about Izzy coming over and not wanting to talk to him about whatever is going on but Clary would tell him. Clary would tell him when it came down to everything. 

“Hey.” Alec replied. Alec called Jace here and that meant that something was wrong otherwise he would have just came to the apartment and not here. He knew that Jace would tell Clary but he didn’t want to have Clary feel awkward about them having conversations alone. Clary wouldn’t have minded but he would still feel bad that Alec didn’t want to talk in front her. Normally he wouldn’t mind but it involved Sebastian and that was a swore subject for the both of them.

“What’s up?” Jace replied looking at Alec knowing that something was wrong. He just didn’t seem himself at all right now. Everything was just really bad as of right now in Jace’s head. He knew that Clary said that she was okay but Jace didn’t know if that was true.

“Nothing waiting for you to get your lazy butt out of bed so we can go demon hunting.” Alec lied. Now he knew something was wrong because Alec wanting to hunt wasn’t unusual but actually him to recommend it before Jace is what he found weird.

“What’s going on?” Jace asked. Alec didn’t understand because normally Jace would jump at the chance to go demon hunting that was something he liked to do. He wanted to protect Clary but eventually the both them accepted the demon hunting was something that they were going to continue to do. 

“I had a nightmare that I couldn’t save Magnus that night in hell.” Alec replied. For a minute his mind drifted to Clary because she had a nightmare about Valentine. It was weird that they both had dreams connecting them to that war. 

“You know that you would do everything to save Magnus and you did save him. We even sacrifice Simon’s memory and mortality to save him.” Jace replied. Alec began to feel better about everything. Jace was trying to figure out why Alec and Clary had a nightmare on the same night. He thought about it and it didn’t make sense. Their dreams were connected but there was a missing piece. He just couldn’t figure it out. Then he remembered Izzy’s face this morning. He had to find out if she had a nightmare because if that’s the case it could be a demon. The signs were there. There just needed to be one more clue to investigate the situation. 

He grabbed his phone as he told Alec that he was going to call Izzy and Clary here because he needed to ask them about what Izzy was upset about. If it was fear he was almost positive that it was a demon because if it was then he would almost be sure that he could investigate this enough to say if this was a coincidence or not.

“Clary I need you and Izzy to come to the café down the street I need to ask Izzy something important.” Jace said. Jace sounded worried because normally they would flirt over the phone more then anything else. He knew the question would have to be very important if he didn’t ask her how things were going. Jace would have said something about this morning if he wasn’t worried about something completely different.

“Okay we’re on our way.” Clary said to him. Clary and Izzy made their way to the café neither one of them really sure what is going on. Neither of them really sure that they want to know what was going on because the way Jace sounded to Clary it sounded important. When Izzy and Clary walked through the door Jace made his way to Clary because if he was right it’s possible that the demon could have already attacked her again. Izzy went and sat down next to Alec. 

“Are you okay?” Jace whispered and Clary nodded. Demons didn’t scare Jace but he was afraid of what this demon could do to Clary because of fear and she had a lot of it when it came to Valentine and Sebastian. That was one of the reasons that he loved her because she was brave enough to face the both of them. 

“Yeah I’m fine.” Clary replied. She grabbed his hand because it made it feel like everything was eventually going to be okay. Like someday everything would just be perfect and they wouldn’t feel like something was wrong. It made it feel like everything could just be perfect forever but that’s not how it was. They walked back to the chairs that were surrounded by the tables.

“Izzy did you have a nightmare last night?” Alec asked. Izzy looked at Clary and Clary looked at Jace with shock. They were having that conversation at the apartment but Jace couldn’t of heard it or he would have asked about it at the apartment.

“Yes. How did you know that?” Izzy asked Alec. There was the answer that Jace didn’t want. He knew that could mean that a demon could be coming after them. Jace was surprised that Alec asked because he hadn’t really told Alec but he started putting the pieces together,

“It’s possible that a demon created the 3 of you with nightmares. It wouldn’t have gotten far with me because I have nightmares every night. It didn’t with Simon because he’s not around right now and Magnus would have known how to deal with it because he’s a warlock.” Jace explained. It made more sense to attack the three of them then anyone else that they are associated with except he didn’t know why demons were after them. 

“So what do we do?” Clary asked. She knew that if Jace was right that this wasn’t the end of her fear. That this wasn’t going to be anything like just having nightmares it was going to get worse before it got better. 

“Well we need to get to the institute.” Alec replied. Jace knew he was right so he just nodded. Clary stayed quiet because she wasn’t sure what to say. Izzy couldn’t believe that nightmare wasn’t her guilt it was a fear because that was demon’s most powerful weapon was fear and she fell for it. She was just trapped in her own little world at the moment.


End file.
